who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
