Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
