im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
