i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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