I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
