I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
