remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
