Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
