peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
