If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
