Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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