My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
