i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
