i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
