Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
