New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
