hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
