Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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