im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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