I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
