mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
