Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
