Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
