break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
