did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
