I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
