Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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