i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
