And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
