My brain says no but my pants say off.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
