there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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