someone threw a dead crab at me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
