she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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