i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
send nudes
from the living room?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
