Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
