it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
