Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
