he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
