I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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