jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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