so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
