Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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