i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
