I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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