I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sarcasm needs its own font
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
