i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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