I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
