hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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