last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
