I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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