Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
