Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
