Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
