hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
