After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
