Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
