I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
