i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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