I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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