I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
